I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
