why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Sacagawea was the original milf.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
