I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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