Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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