My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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