And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
