just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My vagina is very pro this idea
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
