There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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