I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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