You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
