Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
