I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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