New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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