I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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