She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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