I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
