He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize