Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
