their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
