it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
