I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
