my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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