I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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