you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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