i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
