Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
