i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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