Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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