her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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