Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
In other news, I just burned my penis
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
