Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
