He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Need sex. Gaining weight.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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