My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
