i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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