I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
