Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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