Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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