I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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