During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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