i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
