ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
