If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Randomize
