Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize