I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
