i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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