True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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