marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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