you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
