thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
