this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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