No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
