Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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