well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
