you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
