Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
