Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
