he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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