Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
