I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I can text with my tongue
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
