Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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