I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
