Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Randomize
