youre lurking in front of me
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
