Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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