He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize