She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
