Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
