Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
