I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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