you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
