I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
