Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
