Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
two words...techno handjob
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
