dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
