I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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